Okay yeah haha it's technically an April Fools review but I dunno how else I could review TemTem's monsters if I'm being honest. I WAS looking forward to TemTem coming out not because I was one of the weirdos convinced it was gonna somehow be a "Pokemon Killer" but just as a "Holy shit two cakes!" mentality because monster taming/catching REALLY aughta be a bigger subgenre and I'm glad it's finding some more light in games like Bugsnax. But TemTem just ain't it for me.
...And that's mostly because I unfortunately find so many of these designs so boring. "Baboong" there is making Rillaboom feel interesting by comparison. So as much as I was looking forward to writing a full review series on these guys one day, yeah, not gonna happen now. It'd just be a long slog of me having nothing to say and handing out 4s or 5s out of 10 like they were on clearance. So, instead, I'm just gonna trot through the "Tempedia" and hand-pick the designs I DO like, or at least find interesting to talk about.
And apologies for varying image quality, there's not a good place to get solid images of every single one of them from, unfortunately.
There's a ton of TemTem that are just "an animal, but with elemental powers." Which is part why I'm not overly impressed with a lot of them. Amphatyr is one of the exceptions. Not that I find it one of the most impressive ones, but it's a simple idea executed really well. It's little more than making a deer with electric powers, but there's a lot of non-descriptiveness going on where it looks more deer-inspired than just outright a deer. Its head is a bit more wolf-shaped, and its antlers are non-stereotypical while still communicating that it can channel lightning. That and its color scheme is fairly striking as well!
I'd make a full TemTem rating system but eh. Just have Vixis with various levels of enthusiasm. (Which, by the way, I've retired the ol' Vulpix since I'm going broad now and also it's several years old by now anyway.)
Barnshee is a neat anthropomorphized owl-like creature with "Mental" abilities, TemTem's answer to "Psychic". I like how up-tight and well-dressed it looks without having features that imply clothes too bluntly. And its narrow, peering eyes is a fun alternate take on an owl, which tend to be most well known for their wide-open eyes. I'm a little "eh" on TemTem evidently picking up Pokemon's weird tendency for arbitrary one-gender-only species, where this pink and elegant-looking owl is all-female for no real reason.
TemTem however DOESN'T have a dedicated "Bug" type, to which I say WHAT is even the point then??? But that doesn't stop it from having insectoid monsters here and there. "Gyalis" here is a Crystal/Melee type that's described as a common subject in horror movies, which has led to them having a bad reputation. There's plenty of neat menace in the design, albeit I'm not sure what the floating "crown" of crystals is about. I like it a little bit more than Scyther, though like Scyther, it foregoes having a cool mantis head in favor of a bit more of a generic face to it. I just wish one of those spikes on the sides of its head was actually its eyes, but alas.
Right here is easily my favorite TemTem though. "Occlura" is very little but a tiny gremlin creature with crystals for digits and teeth, which allow it to dig and eat rocks. Not only that though, but the BIG thing to love about it is that its eyes are inside of its mouth!!! With nothing but peering, blue dots for eyes. I'm a SUCKER for the eyes-inside-a-mouth look, and Occlura pulls it off super well.
I don't like its evolution, Myx, AS much. Mainly because it mostly rids of the obvious "face within mouth" look by making it less of a mouth surrounding its eyes. But it's still a really solid design! I like how squid-like it is while still not being a squid. I also prefer if most of its black body was hidden, but still.
The name "Drakash" didn't fill me with a ton of confidence, but hey, these aren't half-bad either! Still not amazing for my money, but Pycko is cute enough of a little fat-tailed gecko creature. Definitely has its fair share of Starter Pokemon energy. Drakash, while not blowing me away, is still a well-put-together creature that also throws in some frill-necked lizard elements for good measure. The fat-tailed gecko's bulbous tail with fire erupting from it is an oddly nice look. I just wish its face was a bit less generic, but hey. Still nice.
I expected a bit stranger when it comes to the promise of a name like "Noxolotl", but I'll still take it. I like the colorful tendrils off of its head and it having four, animalistic eyes. And how the underbelly and blobs around its mouth and chest give the suggestion of noxious drool. And again, it looks axolotl-inspired rather than simply an axolotl creature. I just wish a bit more was going on with the body."Blooze" and "Goolder" here are a pair that I've liked since I saw them, presented as slime monsters with a smoky stench that comes out of their pores. And their faces are simply ADORABLE. "White eye with a thick outline" is another trait that tends to be an easy-win for me it seems, and these two are no exception. I also feel like they're a good embodiment of what I feel a lot of the TemTem lack. A lot of the more run-of-the-mill ones lack a certain "edge" to them that comes with ones like Goolder, Occlura, or even Noxolotl.
That's not saying you can't have more down-to-earth, "safe" designs, it's good for variety so that everybody of all tastes can have ones to love, and not everybody is like me, a weirdo who gets a serotonin boost at the sight of Goolder. But even some of Pokemon's designs I find the most boring have at least one thing to them to make them stand out, like Rillaboom's drum-kit stump or Primeape being a weird stylization of a monkey. TemTem just tend to lack an "oomph" to them that makes them more distinct. Cause what is "Momo" other than just a dog?Like "Grumper" here! It's not my taste, personally, but it's still got a "thing" to it that makes me think "Yeah, that's how something called Grumper would look alright!"
Anyway, right, Goolder.
Lastly, there's Kalazu and Kalabyss, two squid monsters, the latter of which seems to be ink-themed, and as such is the Water/Toxic type. I like the general shape of Kalazu, which almost looks like a catcher claw of some sort. And Kalabyss just has a cool vibe to it that I like. I would say all that's missing is a fountain pen look to it, but A) you see a ton of those on squid Fakemon as is, and B) I do notice object motifs are a rarity in TemTem, so that might just not be something they consider for TemTem's monster design style, which I can respect.
TemTem probably still has a ton of potential in it; it's still a work-in-progress. And there's certainly validity to be had in its design style that maybe other people find more appealing than I do. And of course, there's plenty I do like, but the ones I listed here are pretty much it. Maybe I'll like more that get added in the future, but even then I don't think I'll do a full-blown review series like I did with Pokemon.
I was at some point considering doing a "Fixing TemTem" art series where I redesign a bunch, but eh. I feel like there's only so much I can do with them, but also I'd rather not turn monster design into a contest where I have to prove "I'm smarter and way betterer at it! I'm gonna """fix""" TemTem!!!!" cause I'm not. Monster design is subjective and taste is an ever-changing thing. I can't really create "objectively" better designs so much as I'd create designs that appeal to me. Which has its own merit, sure. But yeah. All that to say TemTem's fine, I just don't vibe with it on a personal level other than this cherry-picked group. And that's okay too.
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