I'm not exactly the type to get sentimental about the turn of a year, let alone enough to plot out a bunch of unattainable goals that I'll inevitably get to October before looking back and being like "well that's not happening now." BUT the end of the year here just happens to coincide with me... hopefully coming off of a bad depressive flip-flop.
This is a bit of a venty post, so if you're just here to read what I'm on about: the tl;dr is that we're going to start updating this blog on a regular basis again, and it'll be back in full force.
I've not really kept it secret that 2023 has been a hell of a rough year for me. I spent the first quarter of it getting sick over and over again, until I eventually caved and went to the doctor to see what was up before it turning out I needed to go get a surgery. Which not only incapacitated me for about a month, but also really hit me hard with the harsh reality of mortality, at least even moreso than I usually struggle with that. PLUS having to tussle with the financial strain of having gone to the hospital.
While all this is going on, multiple appliances around the house broke, and my car's needed repairs just about once a month. None of this mentioning, of course, Current Events or the fact that we're also in the middle of facing the most vicious attack on queer rights in the 'States at the moment. And oh cool, election year is next year. Fun!
And I think as part of a cope for all this, I had something akin to a slow-burn identity crisis. With all this going on, I had basically a surge of feeling like I should commit to some projects that I've been meaning to get around to, lest my body give out sooner than I suspect. In which I ditched a couple major projects I was already working on in favor of doing a bunch of stuff that ultimately ended up never sticking. "Last Life" didn't really go anywhere, I made an attempt at streaming before that ended up falling through, and most recently, tried my hand at video reviews.
And, I dunno. It was exciting at first, but a repeated cycle that turned out was that I was stoked about writing, and then would drag my feet for an eon on doing voicework for said videos. Just simply because I really don't like the way my voice sounds, if I'm being honest. Not even as a dysphoria thing, I'm just a tgirl that didn't even get a particularly attractive boyvoice.
This kinda inherently makes the process of voicing videos a chore! And it's just about impossible to judge whether or not my tone is coming across correctly, especially since I have such a dry voice that trying to voice enthusiasm just feels forced to me no matter what I've tried. And that never really came through as well as the Rogue Squadron video where my tone of voice was so not-good, even complimentary statements were taken as complaining.
My knee-jerk reaction was to do a video on a game where I have a lot of unambiguous love for it, but again. Something about my voice makes it hard to "act" enthusiastically, because it just sounds fake to me. I kept having to nerf my script-writing to accommodate for my voice when I've done so many retakes because I can't get the phrase "A stunning amount of funning" to sound like I mean it. So I'm just at an odd spot where I feel like my tone comes across better in text than it does in voice. At least here I can like!! Do shit like this!!!! And I don't sound either bored or dumb.
In light of all this, I've really started to miss doing purely written reviews. Granted a big reason I've slowed down with the Paldea Pokemon reviews is just. Due to an overall Pokemon Franchise Fatigue. But even then I don't HAVE to just write about Pokemon! I can revive the Yu-Gi-Oh series, or talk about other monsters from other games for a bit, or hell, chuck the whole tub of custard across the room and just talk about whatever I have an opinion on like I always meant for this blog.
This of course, isn't to also mention that I've picked up one of the major projects I was working on BEFORE all this again and have started taking it much more seriously this time around. I dunno if I can promise when it'll be fully public, I'll probably share tidbits about it here and there over the next year, but I kind of came to a big epiphany that this big story idea in my head that I previously thought I didn't have time for WAS doable, actually. Something else just had to give. And I don't wanna axe Luna's ability to do Let's Plays, cause that'd be selfish.
And just. Writing is always the fun part to me. And without my voice neutering my writing style, I can complete these in like. A fraction of the time, let alone having it be the sole commitment I have to make for an evening sometimes. All while I just sound like I'm having way more fun, which just makes it more enjoyable to read, I feel.
ALL THIS TO SAY: This blog is coming back with a vengeance by not only getting a move-on with Paldean Pokemon reviews again, but I'll also be putting up not just game reviews but any piece of media I care enough to write about. As well as just general-purpose articles about whatever I wanna talk about. Hooting and hollering about a game's art direction. Throwing in an infuriating hot take that I want off my chest. Anything! I just like writing about my opinion, even if the only one listening is The Void.
I don't necessarily regret doing these things; it's better to give them a go and find out maybe they're not the best way to get myself across than constantly and forever waste Mind Bandwidth on fantasizing about it. I did it, I have my peace, and maybe now I can use this blog to actually fulfill that vision in a more reasonable amount of time.
At current, if all goes well, a revival of the Yu-Gi-Oh review project will go up tomorrow, and I'll start reviewing Paldean Pokemon again shortly after. And unless I wanna delay it, I'll have the first media review since when I tested the waters with Luigi's Mansion way back when will ideally be ready by the 1st of January. From there, we can do things ranging from quick reviews about whatever is current, longer-form analysis on media that's at least more than a few years old. Jinx, Norah, and I will probably wanna talk about Lego sets and other doo-dads we acquire. The world's our oyster.
I'll probably also do some housekeeping for this site; it's not as ideal as something a bit more hand-built, just I don't have the coding knowledge to help me out there and build-your-own-website services like Squarespace always felt a little too professional to me. I like having a website with a bit more of a homebrew energy to it. I'll likely fix up my own, proper "Main Page", since the real "main page's" recent feed is less than perfect. We'll be workshopping it.
It was neat to experiment for a year. But ultimately, it's nice to be back home.
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